it’s like losing your balance

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Maybe you forgot there was one more step in the staircase and you stumble forward, hands reaching for structure, feet running to stability.

Maybe there’s a big rain puddle and you’re wearing your favorite pair of shoes so you hop, skip, and wave your arms in circles to keep your soaking frame in a vertical position.

Maybe you’re sitting and day dreaming and leaning ever-so-slightly toward the sun shouting at you from outside your window and you have to catch yourself before you hit the ground and the dream goes away.

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It’s that limbo state where you have no control. It’s that place where your body doesn’t cooperate with your mind in enough time to keep equilibrium intact. It’s a funny feeling, losing your balance.

You didn’t build the staircase and you didn’t make it rain and day-dreaming isn’t a fault for you to lay upon your conscience.

Losing your balance wasn’t your fault, but you’re still falling. Or maybe you’ve already hit the ground.

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I hit the ground once. I didn’t have any control and I lost my balance and my mind was yelling at my body, “what are you doing?!”
I hit the ground so hard I’ve been walking gingerly ever since. I’ve taken baby steps, made a plan for if I ever were to lose my balance again, and cried because of how bad it hurt to hit the ground. The ground was really hard.

The funny thing is that even if I were to lock myself up in a room where there were no rain puddles, no stairs, nor windows, I might still lose my balance. It happens. And sometimes it happens for a reason.

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Just last week, I lost my balance yet again. I didn’t hit the ground quite as hard; just got scraped up, no massive bruises. It still hurt though.

And it still hurts.

What if I fall again?
What if I can’t catch myself?
What if I hit the ground and don’t get back up?

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”

“And I will be to her a wall of fire all around, declares the Lord, and I will be the glory in her midst.”

Losing your balance might not be the worst place to find yourself, you know. God heals broken people, not whole ones. God wants to fulfill his dreams for you, not yours. God wants to show you that even on the ground, bruised and bleeding and weeping, He is still your wall of fire and you shouldn’t be afraid.

The real question to ask ourselves is this:

If God ever allowed me to fall so hard that I lost the ability to stand again, would I still say He is good? Would I still sing Hallelujah? Would I still fight with all my might to kneel, at the very least, because He is worth it?

He is worth it. He’s worth it all. He’s worth every dream, every goal, every aspiration, every success, every fortune, every piece of my heart.

Because we must hang on to the promise that at just the right time He will look at us lying helpless on the ground and say, “Stand up and walk.”

And right then and there, you will be healed.

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1 Comment

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One response to “it’s like losing your balance

  1. Reblogged this on Trivedi Effect Fans and commented:
    Your photo is awesome, I remembered days of my college..

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